Thursday, January 15, 2009
Eat Pray Love
I've had this book for almost two years now, and picked it up a couple of months ago. I'm a slow reader because I don't often sit down long enough to read much. Too much cooking to do, cleaning up (don't laugh Randy) and catching up with girlfriends and family on the phone.
I read the first third of this book, where the author "eats" her way through Italy. I figured this would be my favorite section, since I'm so into good food. But I've surprisingly really enjoyed the praying part, too. I'm not to far into it, but I enjoy hearing the author's journey from a dark place in her life into a more hopeful one. Which leads me to more news about my grandma.
A week ago today, we found out that her lung cancer has spread into her other lung, and there is a spot above her kidney, too. We were informed before this appointment that if the cancer had spread, it would be terminal. After hearing the news, I walked out of the building alone (my grandma, mom and two uncles all rode together). I sobbed and sobbed, the way you do when you can't catch your breath. This kind woman in the parking garage offered to help me. So kind, so concerned. I thankfully declined, there wasn't anything she could do. I sobbed and moaned heavily on the car ride back to her house, and continued in her back yard. It took me quite a while to gather my composure. I didn't want to be a mess in front of her. I finally did, and went inside. She took the news with such grace and poise - as she handles most everything in life.
Over the past week, I've done a lot of thinking. A lot of my thoughts are selfish, wanting my grandmother to live forever in good health. But this is not reality, as harsh as it seems. And I am not the only person to go through this journey of greiving because a loved one has cancer. Instead of feeling sorry for myself (and this really is not about ME, it's about HER), I've decided to instead celebrate what life she does have left. It's how she's handling it, and the rest of us should, too.
Grandma is on an oral form of chemotherapy to keep the cancer's growth at bay. If the treatment works, she could have 1 - 2 years of life; if it does not, she will live only 4 - 6 months. But that is 4 -6 months longer than some people have to enjoy their loved one before they pass onto another life. I'm doing my best to be thankful for the time we do have.